1

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBreast will cost £499 to £599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

2

What did the tooth brush want to become when he grew older?

A broom.

3

My dog's a blacksmith. Every time we open the front door he makes a bolt for it.

4

Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?

So she could draw blood.

5

What do you give a sick budgie?

Tweetment.

6

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: "Where's the self-help section?"

She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7

Two eggs sitting on a kitchen table.

One of them spots a whisk and asks: "What's that?"

The other egg looks puzzled and replies: "Beats me"

8

I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper the other day.

Yes, I was dicing with death!

9

Q: What do pilots eat?

A: Plane biscuits.

10

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down £500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."

compilation by

SHAHZAD