Teacher:History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student:Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.  
Teacher:Why?
Student:There is no future in it.
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Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?  
Ted:$10.
Teacher:You don't know maths.
Ted:You don't know my father!
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Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David:But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother:I know that. But I am going to Hong Kongtomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
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Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son:On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son:On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
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A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
Watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates,  
Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter:It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
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Girl: Do you love me?
Boy:Yes Dear
Girl:Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
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Man: How old is your father?
Boy:As old as me
Man:How can that be?
Boy:He became a father only when I was born
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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer:Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
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Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your  brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon:No, teacher, it's the same dog!
 

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Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!  
Son:That's why I say she's no good!
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Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Malaysia, Sir."
Teacher:"Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
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A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.  
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'Unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and'ill-egal' is a sick eagle ."
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Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow:"No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow:"No hair, Sir."
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A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.  
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"