10. Flirting is an attitude : A good flirt is self-confident and not afraid to take risks. Be enthusiastic and positive, it works!

9. Start a conversation : The best opening line is saying hello. Talk about the surroundings, ask a question, ask for help, state an opinion.

8. Have fun: Be playful, light-hearted and spontaneous. Show your vulnerability.

7. Use props : Never leave home without a prop. Props are natural conversation starters. They encourage conversation and others will be compelled to start talking to you. Great props include: dogs, kids, unusual jewelry fabulous scent, a sweatshirt with your favorite passion, interesting unique item, hats, or an enticing book or newspaper.

6. Be the host : Change your behavior from the role of guest to host. You are not the passive person in waiting, but rather the welcome committee.

5. Make the first move : Move closer to the person you want to meet. Say hello!

4. Listen : You have two ears and one mouth because you should listen twice as much as you speak. Listening is a true art. Your flirting partner will be drawn to you. Everyone loves to be heard.

3. Eye contact : Make eye contact, but please look your partner in the eye gently (no more than 2-4 seconds) and then glance away. Dont stare; its a turn off.

2. Compliment : Compliment your flirting partner. The best compliments have the element of surprise. The "flirtee" will know that you really noticed them. Remember, your compliments must be honest, sincere and genuine. When you receive a compliment the best response is merely, Thank You!

1. Smile : It is contagious. It will make you so much more approachable. A smile lights up your face and draws people to you. You will be a people magnet.

Try it! ...........................this is the reason why luv is RAREand precious!

Doctor Certified

Certified that Mr./Miss _________________ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness. Due to this, he/she will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.

It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as "Come over weekend..", "Let's work on holiday..", "Leave cannot be granted.." etc. which can directly lead to heart strokes.

In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.

Sd/-

Dr. Impatient

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered
throughout the world.

In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to
do such thing is please not to read this notice.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
that you will be unbearable.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9
and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people
of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent
unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex
in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.

In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

Family Problems Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once." We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems." The American said, Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story. I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law. Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.. And you say you have family problems.. Gimme a break !!

1

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBreast will cost £499 to £599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

2

What did the tooth brush want to become when he grew older?

A broom.

3

My dog's a blacksmith. Every time we open the front door he makes a bolt for it.

4

Why did the blonde nurse take a red magic marker to work?

So she could draw blood.

5

What do you give a sick budgie?

Tweetment.

6

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: "Where's the self-help section?"

She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7

Two eggs sitting on a kitchen table.

One of them spots a whisk and asks: "What's that?"

The other egg looks puzzled and replies: "Beats me"

8

I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper the other day.

Yes, I was dicing with death!

9

Q: What do pilots eat?

A: Plane biscuits.

10

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta.

He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down £500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!"

The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."

The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."

compilation by

SHAHZAD

Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, the mother-in-law criticized Li-Li constantly.

Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that,
according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappinessin the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.

Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.

Mr Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you."

Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do".

Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.

He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of yourmother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen".

Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.

After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practised controlling her temper so much that she found that she al! most never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law' s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in- law one could ever find.

Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.

Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr Huang and asked for his help again. She said, "Dear Mr Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her".

Mr Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her".

THE MORAL OF THE STORY..
How you treat other people is exactly how they will treat you.

There is a wise Chinese saying:
"The person who loves others will also be loved in return. God might be trying to work in another person's life through you."

 Teacher:History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student:Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.  
Teacher:Why?
Student:There is no future in it.
..................................................................

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?  
Ted:$10.
Teacher:You don't know maths.
Ted:You don't know my father!
............................................ ..........................

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David:But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother:I know that. But I am going to Hong Kongtomorrow, so I am scolding you now.
.......................................................................
 

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son:On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son:On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
......................................................................
 

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were
Watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates,  
Then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter:It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
.......................................................................
 

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy:Yes Dear
Girl:Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
--------------------------------------------------
 

Man: How old is your father?
Boy:As old as me
Man:How can that be?
Boy:He became a father only when I was born
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Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer:Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
------------------------------------------
 

Teacher: Simon, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your  brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon:No, teacher, it's the same dog!
 

--------------------------------------------------
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!  
Son:That's why I say she's no good!
--------------------------------------------------
 

Teacher: "Where were u born?"
Student: "Malaysia, Sir."
Teacher:"Which part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------
 

A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up.  
"Ok, answer, Joan" said the teacher.
"'Unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and'ill-egal' is a sick eagle ."
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Teacher: "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow:"No comb, Sir."
Teacher: "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow:"No hair, Sir."
----------------------------------------------------  
 

A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the boy.  
"What do u mean 'under water'?"
"They are all below 'C' level"